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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29765589">We Are Us Again</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/leftrightleftrighthutpresentarms/pseuds/leftrightleftrighthutpresentarms'>leftrightleftrighthutpresentarms</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Simo Häyhä | The White Death - Fandom, Winter War - Fandom, Wolves of Karelia, talvisota - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Damn, Emotional reunion, Fluff, M/M, Memories, Reunion, but like, cute stuff, damn who is cutting onions, tears were shed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 00:26:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,788</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29765589</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/leftrightleftrighthutpresentarms/pseuds/leftrightleftrighthutpresentarms</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Simo remembers his days with M, full of nostalgia and sadness, then opens the door to find a surprise.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Simo Häyhä | The White Death/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>We Are Us Again</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">


        <li>
            Inspired by

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/768081">Wolves of Karelia</a> by Arna Bontemps Hemenway.
        </li>

    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>A follow up to https://archiveofourown.org/works/29468535<br/>You don't need to read that, though.<br/>Not written to disrespect Simo in any way! I am a big fan of him, this story is just an imaginary world.<br/>Simo's POV.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Kettuseni.”</p><p>I open my eyes to the light creeping from the thin curtains. I sigh. I saw him again in my dream, didn’t I? Woke myself up again, muttering in my sleep, the nickname he called me by.</p><p>My little fox. I was his little fox.</p><p>Another day. I get up, look at my face in the mirror. Coldwater will help me, so I open the faucet and splash my face.</p><p>Sometimes it is hard even looking in the mirror. My old wound is not much of a problem anymore, it’s just the way I keep remembering him.</p><p>M.</p><p>The way I can’t say his name, stopping my own thoughts as if it is banned.</p><p>It’s been around two years. Actually, a year and 178 days to be exact. I count every day. I can’t help it at all, I just mutter the numbers every morning, adding one to yesterday’s count.</p><p>One year and 178 days since I have left that letter on his bedside table in the hospital.</p><p>Maybe he didn’t bother to read it, just threw it away. Maybe he read it, but he was way too disgusted to even think of me, let alone answering me. And I? I didn’t even go back to the hospital, afraid of his reaction.</p><p>In the letter, I had written about how much I wanted to see his eyes once again. How much I wanted our times to continue again. How much I needed him and how just one gaze would build a universe between our hearts once again.</p><p>No answer, right?</p><p>I don’t know what to hope for. Maybe it is better if he didn’t read it. Better than the possibility of him hating me…</p><p>I take my rifle. I often do this. It snowed yesterday, even though it isn’t as much as it used to snow in our days… I will walk to the woods nearby, maybe hunt deers. Or without a sound, I will lay on the snow, motionless. Admiring the sky, the landscape, the snow. It is the endless white that reminds me of my old days. It hurts, yet I crave it. It is all I have, the sharp-edged broken glass of my memories. I hold it in my palm, letting it cut through my skin, just to feel that it is there. Just to know that I had times with M, hugging, laughing, resting, waiting, hearing the beats of his heart…</p><p>A tear makes its way through my cheek. I don’t even have the energy to swear anymore. I just sigh.</p><p>I wear my thick coat, my old hat, a pair of hand-knitted mittens that looks like the ones The Terror of Morroco had.</p><p>I open the door.</p><p>My face is greeted by the cold wind, and my eyes are greeted by… a figure.</p><p>I drop my rifle on the ground.</p><p>My eyes water, blurring my vision, burning, I make out the words:</p><p>“God, I think I am dying.”</p><p>Because there is no other explanation.</p><p>There is no way.</p><p>M.</p><p>He smiles, just the way I remember. Not knowing if it’s a death hallucination or a dream, I still want to feel him. I reach him. When my hands touch him, I can’t believe it. He is there.</p><p>He speaks as his arms embrace me:</p><p>“You aren’t dying. I came.”</p><p>Burying my face in his coat, trying to feel his presence as much as I can, I mutter:</p><p>“It’s been almost two years…”</p><p>“Two years of thinking about you, Kettuseni.”</p><p>That’s when I start sobbing. The word I mumbled to myself at nights, I am hearing it from his voice once again.</p><p>After around five minutes of solid hugging, not a single word, I invite him in.</p><p>I help him take his coat off. His eyes gaze around the house. It isn’t much, just three rooms. The door connects to the living room with my bed in one side. There is kitchen and a bathroom. That’s all I need. His eyes scan those few frames on the wall, paintings of Karelia. He smiles once again.</p><p>His eyes lock into mine. I don’t even know what to do. I am afraid, what if he has changed?</p><p>Even the thought of it brings tears into my eyes once again. What if he just came for a goodbye? Nothing else? What if he doesn’t remember the times we had?</p><p>He notices my sorrow. He removes his gloves, his thumbs find my eyes. Wiping my tears away, he strokes my eyelids and cheeks softly. I feel his warmth come closer, his breath on my face, that familiar voice speaking:</p><p>“I am here, Kettuseni, I’m not going anywhere.”</p><p>And I am the weakest.</p><p>As weak as a hungry and sick wolf in a blizzard. As weak as a rotten pine tree. As weak as a thin layer of ice on a lake, waiting to break.</p><p>So I break.</p><p>I let myself taste the lowest in his arms. He pulls me to himself, his hands patting me clumsily, I can sense that he wants to weld us together to never part. My head rests on his chest, which allows me to hear his heartbeats. Within my every sob, I feel his heartbeats quicken. My tears wettening his shirt, he says nothing. Just a little “Shh…”, lingering like a lullaby in my mind, he makes me want to put this moment in a jar and make it last forever.</p><p>He lifts his chin and my cheeks touch his neck. I move my head slowly, savouring the feeling of his warm skin under mine. His fingers start playing with my hair, stroking my scalp under. I look into his eyes, seeing his soft smile.</p><p>We have aged. It’s been just a few years but we have aged. Our eyes carry something broken inside. Yet, we hold each other. Two broken souls, locking blue eyes, never to part…</p><p>Our goal is not to fix. Our goal is to feel. As simple as that.</p><p>He lowers his head a little bit. I feel his stubble. It makes me smile, my lips brushing his chin:</p><p>“Just like our old days.”</p><p>I feel him hugging me tighter. His voice shakes, even though it is just a whisper:</p><p>“Just like our old days.”</p><p>He holds my chin, lifts my face. His fingers brush my smile, then my lips. He repeats over and over, like the wind passing through the thick forest:</p><p>“Kettuseni, Kettuseni, Kettuseni…”</p><p>“You came back for me…”</p><p>“Of course I did. Of course, Kettuseni… How could I live without you?”</p><p>This makes a sob escape my lips again.</p><p>His face comes closer, he shushes me with his finger on my lips:</p><p>“Don’t cry, no, no… No need to cry, I am here, always here…”</p><p>“I woke up at nights, almost believing that you were here, and…”</p><p>“And I am here, Kettuseni…”</p><p>His nose touches mine when I sob again. I feel how cold his nose is. He must have been waiting at the door for a long time.</p><p>“You will catch a cold…”</p><p>“Not when I’m with you.”</p><p>I remove my mittens and let my fingers touch his neck, his cheek, move up to his hair… Engraving every detail, I savour it. I remember the times we held each other to warm at nights, then I sob again, this time I let out a tear.</p><p>It’s just a “Shhh” from his lips as they find mine.</p><p>At first, I am motionless.</p><p>Him.</p><p>Him being with me.</p><p>Him holding me in his arms.</p><p>Him, just him, his stubble and his lips.</p><p>Him, with all the warmth I have ever wanted.</p><p>It takes just a second and he pulls back an inch. Studying the expression in my eyes, I can see that he is wondering if I am comfortable with that.</p><p>I don’t answer with words. How can you answer a silent question with words, anyway?</p><p>I brush my lips on his. I feel him responding with fiery love. We exchange sighs and relaxed smiles as we pull each other closer.</p><p> </p><p>I show him around the house. As I’ve told you, it’s just three rooms. I show him my dresser that has my sweaters and shirts. I give a warm sweater to him, matching the one I’m wearing. Then I show him the books I have, he smiles at my excitement. I show him the rocking chair I love. I show him the mirror that I sometimes despised looking at. We stand in front of it and I’m not sad anymore. He puts his hands on my shoulder and tilts his head to touch mine. Our smiles match too, along with our sweaters.</p><p>Then I show him my big bed that has two pillows, I explain how I hugged the other pillow at nights to feel less alone. This earns me a hug from him, the tightest one. I close my eyes at the warmth.</p><p>I ask him how long he has been outside of the door. He shrugs. He says that it isn’t important.</p><p>I shake my head:</p><p>“You must be really cold and tired.”</p><p>“Not much…”</p><p>“You don’t have to lie, come rest with me.”</p><p>I lift the blanket and gesture to him. He points at his sweater.</p><p>“It’s okay, you can lay down with that on.”</p><p>He gets on the bed. I lay next to him. He pulls the blanket on us and hugs me.</p><p>At last, I don’t need to hug the pillow.</p><p>His fingers trace my nose, his blue gaze embraces me… and we fall asleep.</p><p> </p><p>I wake up with his voice:</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>I am confused, I ask:</p><p>“What happened?”</p><p>“You were talking in your sleep…”</p><p>I smile shyly. I know what exactly I have said, I ask anyway:</p><p>“What did I say?”</p><p>“My name.”</p><p>I am surprised. His name? Not just an “M”, but his name, without holding myself back?</p><p>He sees my expression, comes closer to me, whispers:</p><p>“Well, Kettuseni, hearing my name from your lips was what I dreamed of, for almost two years.”</p><p>“One year and 178 days…”</p><p>He cups my cheek:</p><p>“You counted…”</p><p>“Of course I have. Every single day, every…”</p><p>He kisses me.</p><p>His stubble tickling my chin, his nose bumping into mine, his fingers in my hair, his lips dancing with mine…</p><p>We lay lazily on the bed. We lay on our back, then I roll towards him. He rolls to his side and faces me too, we giggle. After a while, I roll on my other side. He spoons me from behind, putting his hand on my heart, his lips on my hair.</p><p>We spend hours hugging. We want to linger on every little moment.</p><p>We are together again.</p><p>We are us again.</p>
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